We decided to spend Christmas at the cabin this year. Norwegian tradition is a big meal the 24th, and American tradition means Santa will find us the 25th, so we went out the 23rd to prepare for all of it. Even earlier, we took some extra time to shop for decorations and bring some from home so that it could feel extra Christmas-y. I could not be happier with the mix of old and new and the blend of both of our cultures. And of course, gnomes. Our Tiktok inspired tree looked even better this year with a new village piece. Sitting in front of the fireplace, I couldn't help but feel grateful for a Christmas full of warmth, love, and happy memories. The meal was the first time we've really made something with such intense kitchen needs, so we learned a lot. We may have also decided on our next cabin building project. It was only NBF and me as two kids were in the states and the other two were with their mom. Still, we enjoyed a candle lit meal while we looked over the near frozen fjord. Christmas day, we had a small meal of leftovers from our dinner and then did a white elephant game and built gingerbread houses. I think everyone was surprised with how long we had been goofing about by the time I turned on the lights to take photos of the gingerbread houses for our family contest. For the white elephant, we used cards that dictated the trades or passes. Since this was the family's first experience with the white elephant, NBF and I bought all the gifts. We were pleasantly surprised and happy that the bonus kids ended up with the toolkits we purchased. This year we tried to get a few gifts that would help with living at their own home since that time is getting closer for both of them. The gingerbread house building went well as I finally learned how to make the icing correctly. Of course, NBF and I took all of the broken pieces so we spent our energy on our individual houses instead of the team house like the other two. All in all, it was just a fun day. This year, NBF and I also opted to gift each other travel for Christmas instead of other gifts. He is going to be starting a new job after the first of the year, so we also decided to wait on the planning for a bit to give him time to settle. He is also finishing his last six months of school which means some big exams. We both agree we had plenty of adventure last year to unbalance our bank accounts and to satisfy our itch to explore...at least for a bit longer. We also have a tradition of traveling every May when our dating anniversary comes around, so we may end up needing to make up two trips to ourselves. Before we left the cabin, we even put away the Christmas decor. We didn't intend to pack everything away yet because I wanted to get a couple of storage tubs, but it ended up fitting in one of the cupboards in our bedroom. I think there might even be more storage space for gnomes as well. Bonus kid's girlfriend sent me a video and I am trying hard to live up to it. (https://www.tiktok.com/@jo.co777/video/7313173474028113184?_r=1&_t=8iIAjsqYTCL) Every Christmas brings some sorrow and painful memories, it is to be expected. Experiencing my first pregnancy and the stillbirth of my son in the Christmas season at such a young age established a pattern of extra complications to an already emotionally fraught time. While this year brings the same, busying myself with new traditions and being loved by someone who encourages my gnome addiction and feels like a safe place to be Nellie makes a real difference in my ability to cope. It is almost beyond comprehension that pain this raw is in fact 33 years old. I used to think, or perhaps the better word, is anticipate a year when the pain would feel less palpable, but I have come to expect this yearly companion to find new ways to drill into my memories and spring to life. I think the main difference in the last few years has been not trying to justify or hide my feelings around Jerry's death for the comfort of others but just feeling and acknowledging them. His life and premature death are significant events that have and will forever impact who I am. I am ever so thankful for each happy memory I can build into this time of year to balance all I have experienced on the other side. Maybe this year I will even have the courage to get the diamond pressed from his remains.
Whatever this new year brings, I know I am ready to embrace some adventure along the way. I am looking forward to visiting my granddogs and attending the wedding of one of my bonus boys in Kansas. I can't wait until the next time I hug my kiddos, and I expect my travel buddy and I will rack up some flight time. From our family to yours, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.
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Okay so that title is awful. I don't mean I am disappointed it is Christmas. I really meant wasn't it just Halloween?? When I was sitting on the sofa today, I looked over to see that NBF's advent calendar was at the halfway point. Immediately questions began swirling in my mind. How did we get to the middle of December already? How have I been at my new job for a year? Where did this year go? Why haven't I been in my blog this month? I can remember time passing ever so slowly when I was a child. December most of all it seemed. To be fair there were bursts and spurts where time disappeared. Of course, those are the happiest times...summers at Gramma and Paa's house, afternoons outside playing, Christmas vacation. But there were just as many endless Mays waiting for school to end and the ever lingering weeks and months of being grounded. I guess all that wishing for time to speed up gets granted later in life, because now I can barely keep pace with the passage of weeks, months, and years. Until I find myself yet again mouth agape, astonished that another year has come to an end. This year was the first time I have not been in a classroom in some capacity in 25 years. Can I just say that I find that number shocking?! I first began spending time in a classroom as a volunteer when OGBAH went to kindergarten. Still, it took me until November to realize that at least some of my attitude this year was due to not having the routine, pace, planning, and decompression time that comes with a teaching schedule. It is obvious I need to find the new equilibrium. Understandably, it is unsustainable to work as I did in a school where I could rely on regularly scheduled time away, or rather forced vacation. Granted, this year was unique as NBF and I made a joint decision for prioritizing our days off differently. I could have had a summer holiday, but we wanted to explore in less busy times for travel. I am also guilty of sabotaging my own schedule because I still struggle with doing tasks like research during work time, as I feel somehow I am stealing from the company. I keep pushing my boss to let us develop an official professional development plan, and I think at least part of that is so I don't feel like a thief reading a book on company time. I made myself start tracking my work time and projects in a calendar, especially if I am putting in extra hours or doing webinars on the weekend, and of course, I am always putting in enough time. Aside from work woes, it is the normal Christmas season angst this year. I have been able to decorate, bake, or plan most of it away. We continue to have our yearly conversations around Christmas traditions and decor. This year thanks to my secret santa at work, a bumper crop of new gnomes joined our family! NBF even bought one, but his will live at the cabin since he bought the rock and roll punk with the sole purpose of being the boss gnome of the other gnomes.
We struck a balance with Christmas decor by putting up the curtains and stars on December 1st, but the tree waited a week. I am team weekend after Thanksgiving put up the tree, and NBF is team December 23rd. After discussion, we got to the root of the differences. Although, I would put up the tree Thanksgiving weekend, I would take it down before going back to work in January. I also had an artificial tree. He on the other hand was used to live trees that went up the 23rd and stayed up until the 13th day of Christmas, dropping needles all the way. Anyway, we compromised with an artificial tree that went up last weekend and will stay up until the 13th day of Christmas. I once again baked lussekatter for St Lucia's day. I had volunteered to bake them for our secret santa reveal at work. I was a little intimidated because we have professional cooks on our staff, but they went over really well. I explained that there was an American twist because I don't care for raisins. so I used chocolate. The CEO called it upgraded lussekatter, and all of them were gone at the end of the day. I will call it a win. This weekend, we will shop for our yearly ornament that has become a shared tradition and plan for Christmas games at the cabin which we hope becomes a shared tradition. My boys got advent calendars for the first time because their stepdad spoils children rotten or as he puts it, I deprived my children of so many great things. I am not sure we will bake seven kinds of cookies again, but we will at least make a couple of batches. I am going to try to talk him into making some of my favorites from last year. Maybe the best part of all of this is that I have someone that helps me decorate, bake, and plan. After all, part of the Christmas spirit is coming together with family and friends to enjoy...together. |
Nellie HillJust a woman leaping outside her comfort zone and telling the tale. Archives
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