There are some things you can count on in life. As a teacher, the countdown to Christmas is a killer. There are reports due, objectives to be met, ever increasingly distracted students to teach, and life to live, but only if you can squeeze it in. It has been a goal of mine for the last few years to take better care of myself and to enjoy more of life rather than make my work my life. To that end, today I am sitting, uncomfortably I might add, in the self care of answering emails from past students, drinking coffee, and getting my home ready for Brad to visit. It isn't that he has expectations of me, but I can't have him thinking I live like a college frat boy either. And I am totally NOT thinking about the end of term reports or the thirty-eight, four part English exams I need to grade. Okay, let's get real, language impacts our actions. I WANT to grade. I have found I give that word 'need' more traction than it deserves in my life. After all, the language of our thoughts and words drive our actions. Do you ever think about words that have more significance than they deserve? Living in a country where I don't speak the language has made me increasingly vigilant in speaking clearly and using words carefully. How awful would it be to burden a six year old with a deep misunderstanding of a word that doesn't deserve the importance we tend to give it? But then how tragic to fail to teach them the power they can harness with words. Words really are THAT powerful. I think about it when I hear how I speak to myself. I've said it before and I'll say it again for those in the back, if you wouldn't say something to a dear friend facing whatever you are facing, then don't say it to yourself! I think about it every time I see my students use the strategy of telling a classmate they don't like the behavior. I think about it every time Google translate fails me. I think about it every time I try to make myself understood with my limited Norwegian. I think about it every time I try to explain a common item to someone to find the Norwegian equivalent. Just for reference, tissue paper translates as toilet paper. Give that explanation a shot because you don't want to describe it as gift wrap either. A person's understanding and evaluation of words can impact success, coping, and even fears. As the sun sets earlier and earlier, I find myself having to conduct more daily tasks in the near dark or even dark. In my childhood, I was terrified of the dark and that dulled to robust fear as an adult. I never had a reason why or a great understanding of my seemingly irrational fear of the dark. I just 'knew' dark equaled fear. Well, welcome to Norway, where a four thirty in the afternoon trip to the grocery is done in the dark. And you know, the streets aren't empty. People don't stop living. They embrace the outside as much in the darkness as in the light. There isn't fear in the dark, it's just winter. So of course, I've been doing more thinking about the words that I allow to limit or define me and more thinking about the words I use to describe and define others. I've also been thinking on how I define words and the power I give them. And maybe the biggest I need to evaluate is teacher. My god what that word has come to mean. Too large for one word really. But that word is for another day. I'm starting with Christmas and home and making sure those are in perspective and weighted appropriately. The school held its Christmas party Friday; yes you heard correctly. I really wasn't looking forward to celebrating Christmas before Thanksgiving, but I went. I'm glad I did. It was a fun night of food and dancing...even if a candle exploded onto my dress! Only me, folks. And despite myself, I find I am enjoying the lights and decoration. I even broke down and bought a couple nisse for my window. I am eagerly anticipating Brad's visit, and generally finding that maybe Christmas isn't so bad after all. I have been looking for Christmas ornaments for my boys. Every year I buy them an ornament, and I thought one from Norway would be a great addition to their collection. I'm still not putting up a Christmas tree, though. That's one phrase Janus will never interpret as anything other than fun house, but who knows, maybe he's the one that's right! Maybe I need to reexamine my thinking and find a more Christmas-y cat tree.
2 Comments
In Kansas it is nothing to drive an hour or more to get to decent shopping opportunities. Of course, most of the destinations are still in Kansas. Here in Norway, four friends can hop in a car on a Friday after work and be in Sweden at a shopping center in less time than it takes many rural Kansans to be at the nearest Walmart. That is exactly what we did, too. Since we get off work at 13:30 on Fridays, it's the perfect opportunity to go do something together. I've spoken before about the trips to Sweden for cheaper booze and groceries, but it is still such an alien thought for someone who lived in the middle of the United States. In 30 minutes, I can be in another country, not another state, another country. This trip I was hoping to find some shoes, pants, and kitchen supplies. While I didn't find that, I found much needed laughter, venting, and connection. I also came home with Reeses cups, a tunnel and claw toy for Janus, a silly hat, and a beautiful mug. Maybe the best bonus of the trip was that my coffee mug was wrapped in bubble wrap! Sigh...the little things. Speaking of little things that spark happiness, I have been meaning to get some pictures of the city electric boxes for some time. They are little pieces of color that give character to the street. The elephant is probably my favorite. There are so many hidden treasures around town. I can't tell you the number murals and painted walls I've found on my walks. Many places I see are meticulous when it comes to appearances. From carefully placed artwork to the use of lighting, the aesthetic appeal of a place is important. The school I work at is no exception. There are water fountains and colorful furniture, and even the lunches are meant to be visually appealing. As a matter of fact, just yesterday I was walking through the canteen thinking about how we'd never be allowed to have lit candles at school in the states. Christmas seems the perfect time to focus on lights and visual displays. Around town there are more lights and candles than I've ever noticed. Of course this might be due to the sun setting so early. At any rate, there can be no doubt Christmas is here, and the decorations are exquisite. The differences from back home are plentiful, but rest assured Santa does indeed visit Norway. My favorite find so far is the Christmas nisse. Some people may find them creepy, but I think they are some of the cutest things. I plan to buy one when I find THE one for my apartment. Also, after years of watching the Gävlebocken on webcams, I have a real opportunity to go and see it in person. It would be unwise to buy tickets too far in advance though, as the goat burns many years. Over the years, I've watched the security grow to superstar status levels, but that hasn't stopped the truly dedicated from torching the poor Christmas goat. The goat will be erected December 1st, and I hope it can last long enough for me to make the trip before Christmas. Despite myself, I find myself looking forward to some Christmas cheer and learning even more about the traditions here. My class is studying family traditions, so next week we will have a feast that celebrates cultures. This has made me realize how tough it can be to make American dishes here. I have asked every family to bring something that celebrates their home, and I planned to take a taste of Thanksgiving. Due to my poor planning, I only had a week to gather the supplies. Imagine my surprise to learn it would cost $400 to ship over about $10 worth of groceries! YIKES! Needless to say, I'm on to Plan D now. It's possible my students' taste of America might just be PB&J unless I can find inspiration at the store. I'll let you know how that goes... Do I miss home yet? I truly can't say. I miss some faces, but I did manage to kick that diet Dr Pepper habit. Some people might say I am still in the honeymoon phase, but I have wanted to travel and teach internationally for so long that I am not sure. Even though every week I wonder if what I'm sharing is worth writing home about, it matters to me. And I've decided that really is enough. So enjoy my view of Norway (and Sweden), and I'll see you next week.
Anyone that works in a school knows what happens the second a student sees a snowflake float past the window. It's almost as if they are seeing snow for the first time in their lives, or better still, that a deeply loved relative has come for a visit. So Friday when the squeals of joy and excited chattering about snow began, I talked to my kids about how we should behave when we notice it is snowing outside. After all, this was their teacher's first time to see a true snowfall in Norway. They evaluated my clothing choices and listed all the items I really needed on a daily basis in winter. Then, we bundled up ran outside into the snow. Have you ever watched the reckless joy of children. I mean truly watched it. My students were laying on the ground pretending to swim through the snow and creating snow angels. They brought me handfuls of snow smiling through rosy cheeks. They went about the serious business of writing their names in the snow, catching flakes on their tongues, and running around aimlessly all the while giggling. Their biggest concern in that half hour was if I had gotten a picture of them to send to their family. They know I share on ClassDojo, so they wanted to be sure THEIR mom would see them.
I know they didn't realize it was the perfect temperature for the lacy snowflakes pictured in advertisements and cartoons, but I watched perfectly formed flakes land on their hats. If you've never read about snowflake formation, you should. It's fascinating. The point being, this got me thinking about the enthusiasm and wonder in a child's arsenal. As a teacher, I tap into it on a daily basis. Things as seemingly uninteresting as a freshly sharpened pencil can captivate the most reluctant writer. Well placed compliments and remarks about how much thinking or hard work is happening can flare through a classroom like wildfire. A trip outside in the snow can ensure that your students are willing to do anything you ask that day. When students become convinced you share their wonder, you gain access to the exclusive club where only those who believe may enter. Regularly, I am reminded how wonderful by quick childhood is and how it isn't me that sets the pace in the classroom. I struggle with that because I want to teach them so many things, but that enthusiasm fades too quickly. Humans have plenty of time to be adults, so concentrating on helping them be the best humans they can really is my biggest job. I want them to see I am excited enough about learning to keep them after school for Skype experiences; enthusiastic enough to go play in the snow with them; and love them enough to hug on them and sing their praises to their parents. I need them to see learning happens in school, at museums, and even outside. Most of all, I hope the part they don't see and its impact are worthy of who they might become as well. I choose jewelry, outfits, and even activities based on their needs. If a necklace is going to be the key to getting a child to talk to me, then you had better believe I will wear one everyday. If they need to see that adults don't just preach snow gear, but wear it; count me in. If half my class can't remember or hasn't felt the inside of a pumpkin, then yes, we're carving. I want them to feel connected to others and to realize there doesn't have to be limits to curiosity and exploration. In reflecting, I am not sure if I should have moved grades before now or if it is a combination of new school and grade. I've never been a teacher that can teach the same lessons year after year. There are precious few that make it through to the next year. But, I am finding myself more excited about teaching in general. As for life, I finally have all the paperwork and banking sorted out...I think. I was disappointed to learn that my masters degrees from Emporia State are not considered rigorous enough to compare to a masters in Norway. I am thinking about appealing that decision. I am in possession of a Norwegian bank account and debit card, so I can actually pay rent next month without three money transfers. And after Christmas, Brad will come visit for a week which means I really need to get my apartment looking like a home. Can't have my child thinking I am living like a fraternity bachelor. Meanwhile, I have a gym membership and an appointment to get my hair done. Life is good. This morning flakes were flying in Sarpsborg. It is cold and windy but didn't last long. I know this is simply the beginning of what will be a long winter but what a wonderful beginning. In that moment, I opened the window just a crack and Janus and I sat in the ledge watching the flakes and smelling the crisp air. I'm not sure what it was about that moment, but I just sat in the thought that here was this girl from Kansas sitting in Norway watching it snow.
This past week was extra busy as it was parent teacher conference week. I was pleasantly surprised by the format of conferences at my new school. Basically I was told, "You need to give each parent a 30 minute conference this week". There is even a threshold of hours that if exceeded ensure a teacher is paid overtime for conferences. Imagine being trusted to do your job and the school not requiring everyone to work the exact same hours. Although I have to say, talking with parents is as exhausting here as any school I have ever taught at. My strength is in talking to children not adults...says every teacher ever. This next week, I'm looking forward to connecting back home. I have opportunities to catch up with teacher friends back in Kansas via Skype and a video for fourth graders. It is a little intimidating at times to think that this experience is worthy of 'writing home about'. However, I can't wait to share some of home with my students. My Head of School and student parents gave their permission to keep the students after normal school time, so we can Skype live. I can't wait! I'm also hoping to get an appointment for my hair and to get some apartment decorating done. As for life in general, I still can't believe I am due to renew my bus pass and phone plan yet again. I have a feeling the slide into Christmas is going to leave me grappling for my footing and wondering where time went. Of course considering I drank a Coke from a Santa bottle on November 1st and have a staff Christmas party on November 22nd, what do I expect? Christmas seems to be a huge ordeal in Norway. I can't wait to learn more about the traditions and importance of the holiday. Restaurants advertise holiday meals and take reservations months in advance, there is already a ton of candy, cookies, and treats on the shelves, and of course there are lights hanging in the city center. My personal relationship with Christmas is somewhat complicated. It's always been an overstimulating and emotionally fraught holiday for many reasons. The largest of which happened when I was just 17. November of 1991, I had lost my grandfather to cancer, and my husband and I had decided our unborn child would be named after him. Jerry/Jeri was due the tenth of December, so of course, my husband and I were prepared not only for a new baby but for a first Christmas as a family. Not to mention, there was a chance the baby could be born on my late grandfather's birthday. All this was not meant to be, as my son, Jerry, was stillborn on December 29th that year. I can say I have had nice Christmases since then. I enjoy family traditions and spending time together, but I can honestly say I haven't truly enjoyed the holiday season since losing my son. I find it an absolutely exhausting season full of too much indulgence and commercialism under the best of circumstances. When you add grief to the mix, it can become untenable. If ever there is a fake it until you make it circumstance, celebrating Christmas with children after the death of a child is it. I poured myself into decoration and buying perfect gifts, but really I just exhausted my energy reserves without the joyful refills people seem to get. And honest talk, when I lived in Andover alone, I skipped Christmas decorations altogether when I knew my boys wouldn't visit before Christmas day. It occurs to me that while I have put energy into dealing with my grief, I have not addressed any residual effects on the season. Ah, the wisdom that comes with age. There might be hope for me and Christmas though. I have always looked forward to a tradition we started after losing the boys' great grandfather. We began serving Christmas meal at the VFW as a family. My oldest son hasn't missed a year. He's even delaying a trip to visit me this Christmas by a day so he can stay and serve. That makes my heart smile. So who knows, maybe Norway and its Christmas traditions will find a way to help me heal this fractured relationship with Christmas. Perhaps I can find new traditions to love and can remember more joyful times. Not to mention I love snow and the quiet blanket of protection and calming it provides. I've got plenty of coffee, so let it snow, let it snow, let it snow. |
Nellie HillJust a woman leaping outside her comfort zone and telling the tale. Archives
April 2024
Categories |