Despite Norway being a fantastic place for me to live, there are times I miss things from the states. Of course, there are some things that I cannot get over here...sigh, Diet Dr. Pepper, and other things that do not taste the same due to ingredient and formula differences, looking at you peanut butter Snickers. These longings and cravings get more intense around holidays or special occasions where traditions are involved. Sometimes, the desires are sharper during illness when I need comfort items. Then the next time, it might be something I bought one time and hated but at least I could buy the fucker. One thing I miss that seems ridiculous is fountain soda. Now, before you feel too bad for me, I can get a fountain soda in Norway. However, it is not a common thing in service stations like it is back home. We also have a Soda Stream where you use syrup and carbonation to make your own soda, but we all know there is something different about making it yourself....or at least I thought we all did. I can tell you, that is exactly what many people over here have the audacity to throw your way when you are looking for something you are used to buying in the states. I belong to a couple of FB groups that are meant to help people adjust to life here, ask questions to those who have lived here longer, and have a sense of belonging. For the most part, the groups live up to those expectations....except in one regard. It NEVER fails that when someone asks a variation of the question, "Where can I find ____?" some Samantha (Karen is so overrated) jumps on there with ...YOU CAN MAKE IT YOURSELF! Yessss, Suh-MAN-thuuhh...I know I can make my own laundry soap, but get the fuck out of here with that bullshit.
I am to the point now where when I post in the group asking where to find something, I give a disclaimer in which I state I understand I can make something myself. What I don't offer is the full translation of asking that question to the group. Because there are several meanings to "Where can I find___?" and it boils down to one or a combination of any to all of the following: First of all, most people have roughly the same capacity for a quick Google search as you do, Samantha. We know that "in the good old days" most things were made rather than purchased. We also have a much greater understanding of our capacity to make shit ourselves. I had a sister in law that could fuck up boxed macaroni and cheese. We are talking the boil pasta, add the powder, butter, and milk, and then stir kind of mac and cheese. If she asked me where to find macaroni and cheese, you can bet your sweet ass I would not suggest she make it herself. Next, even though I can make a lot of things myself, doesn't mean I have the time or energy let alone know where to buy the supplies to make said thing. It also doesn't mean it is cost effective. There are people that make their own beer here, but the initial set up is expensive, and it takes a lot of batches before it is a savings. So no Samantha, I will not grow my own mushrooms so I can attempt to make cream of mushroom soup to share an American dish that maybe no one likes. And some of the substitutions and make it yourself suggestions verge on ridiculousness. Just today I read a suggestion to pulse your own sugar in a food processor to make caster sugar. BITCH....do you know what a mess I have potential to create with that little nugget of advice? Besides, they do sell the shit if you know where to look. (emphatic eye roll) I will fully admit, we are more used to convenience and quickly getting what we want in the states. I could have Amazon deliver anything on their website the very next day when I lived in Andover. Not to mention, I could go into a mega store like Walmart or Target and buy everything in one stop instead of wandering the city square visiting ALL the stores and still not finding all I was seeking. So yes, Samantha, there is a convenience clause. Furthermore, it is frustrating and increases homesickness when you are unable to find things you want. When I first got here, I had to take my phone to every shopping trip to be sure I knew what I was buying. I had purchased pizza with hidden onions. I had managed to find canned tomatoes that ended up with some sort of Mexican spicing....god. awful. One time, I thought I was safe buying canned tuna. It was hacked into cat food. Fucking hell, the experiences I have had with what "should have worked." But, I could save the next person my mistakes. Shared knowledge can be a good thing. Most important of all, Samantha, I just want to have my grief for things I can't have. It is not overwhelming, constant, or lasting. It is but a fleeting feeling, but I don't want to feel it alone. I need the people that know to hear me and validate me. Sometimes, a "I have never found it, but I am still looking," is as powerful as "I know exactly where you can get that." Because in honesty, if I do find the ingredients, it won't be the same as home anyway. Let me have my victories, and let me share my struggles. Anyway, the Samanthas just can't help themselves, but I sure wish they would think past Google and superiority to reach out with empathy. Perhaps there are those that would like tips for making it themselves, but as for me, I know one thing.....
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For some reason this post has been like pouring molasses outside in January. Which might be why even though I started this December 19, I am posting it in January. I have typed and erased. I have thought and planned. I even discussed a bit with NBF. The only thing I can come up with is that since there is still some uncertainty in the situation and processes, it is harder to put into a concrete format like a blog post. Nonetheless...onward and upward...right?
I feel like I need to say that I shamelessly stole my title from a message I received from a friend. I am a little more uncertain than him, but I think that is because the change is in my own life. Regardless, this next year is shaping up to be another one for the books, and it has just begun! But we need to back up a bit... I spent some time recently reading past posts from the beginning of my blog. Reading through those posts, it is hard to believe sometimes that this is my story and that those are my words. So much has happened over the last three years, including so much that I would never have imagined. I mean just think, in three short years I went from never having crossed the Atlantic Ocean to living on this side of it. I left the single life behind. I have visited more countries than I had in the rest of my life up to this point. In fairness, there has been a considerable amount of struggle along the way, but overall, an amazing three years. Since moving here, I have made plenty of decisions that shocked even me. Let's face it, that started with the decision to move over here...although at the time, I thought it would just be a year. Going on a nine day motorcycle tour of Norway with a man (and ten of his friends) I just met has to be up in the top three of shocking decisions especially if you know me at all. Don't even get me started on how surprised people were when I moved in with him. Perhaps the most drastic decision I have made since being here, though, was stepping out of the classroom to be head of school. I have to admit, a lot of my identity is wrapped around being a classroom teacher. I really enjoyed some aspects of the new assignment, but I don't feel like I got to explore the position fully due to the circumstances surrounding the school. I promise, there will be writings about my experiences as HOS, but that might just have to be saved for a book. Since the board decided to close the school at the end of this school year, it has added a new wrinkle to everyone's future. I lobbied hard for my teachers to be taken to other campuses, but I knew I wasn't willing to move and would need to explore my options. There are three international schools within commuting distance of home, but since I now I have permanent residence, I could even work at a service station. All that aside, apparently my capacity for making shocking decisions is boundless, because I have accepted a new job...beginning immediately. With this new job, I am completely stepping out of the school environment. My official title is Pedagogy Developer. I will work for the parent company of the schools I worked for here in Norway. This is a growing global company with kindergartens/early learning centers and schools in ten countries, and I am so excited to be part of building and growing within this new position. Even better, I get to work closely with a colleague from my days in Sarpsborg. This eases the transition as I am used to her leadership and work style. She has high standards and expectations but will not micromanage my work. As a matter of fact, I was already been put on lead of a project before I officially began work. One part of the job that I am really excited about is visiting our schools and kindergartens. The visits won't begin immediately, but I am hopeful that I will have these learning experiences soon to guide my work and to develop my global mindedness. It is just so much to soak in. I honestly think I was the last person to know I was hired. My new boss had been working on getting me and my work recognized in the company so she could hire me for her team. I did small projects and gave feedback on some documents. I did a presentation and some team building activities for all the heads of schools of our Norwegian and Swedish schools. At one point, I was asked to work on the company branding project developing value statements and defining our global differentiators. My work made an impact, and SR would check in regularly and tell me I was under no obligation to take on projects for anyone but her. Apparently, she had been asked to share my talents and declined. The day I learned I was official, the company CEO was in the office and introduced me to several people as someone working on the global pedagogy team. One man asked me what my title was so I told him, interviewee, not realizing I had an actual title that day. Several people mentioned they had seen I was working on the branding and congratulated me on my work so far, but again, I thought nothing of this except that it was good so many people could see my work because it increased my chances of finding a niche to fill in the company. My boss at CIS called and congratulated me and asked me to begin to develop an exit plan in the coming days, and I was stunned. However, I didn't accept the reality until SR told me I was joining her team. The validation from the smile on her face, the sheer enthusiasm radiating from her, and the joy she expressed about what working with me meant is seared in my memories. She cautioned they were still working on details but later in a meeting with the company owner, I was welcomed on board. So, I guess that means I am officially off on another adventure! If you would have told me five years ago that I would be out of the classroom, I might have believed I would be doing teacher professional development or maybe something in educational technology. Then again, five years ago, Norway was just a dream. So...onward and upward or at least in new directions to learn and explore. Christmas is complicated. On one hand I genuinely enjoy giving gifts to people and seeing the decorations and lights all over town. On the other hand, my oldest son was born and died on the 29th. So, Christmas and I tolerate each other, and some years are better than others. I do have to admit that when I started living alone, it really didn't seem so important to decorate my place, and that really became the norm for me. I have enjoyed learning about Christmas in Norway, and I did start adding to my Christmas decoration collection. I love all of the stars and lights here. Most of them are white and simple. They go up a bit early because it is so dark, but that makes it a much cozier time of the year. I also fell in love with the gnomes. I am barely able to contain myself when I see the displays of all the homeless gnomes. This year, I added four to my collection, and I have my eye on one at Europris that is meant for outdoors. To be fair, I have a cabin to decorate as well! Although I tease NBF about them, I know he enjoys them as well. He might actually enjoy watching me shop for them more! My first Christmas with NBF, we decorated his place and even got a real tree. We talked about new traditions, and started with buying an ornament with the plans to do it every year. My second year, we got our ornament and decided on a fake tree that already had lights. We put out the decorations and then left to visit Kansas for Christmas. It felt a bit forced, and even NBF commented that it didn't feel so Christmas-y. Christmas in Kansas was bittersweet. NBF got to experience a Kansas Christmas complete with too much food, too many lights, and ALL the travel and family. There was still much he didn't see, but I think he got the best parts. For my part, it comforts me to know that he understands me better. I also don't think I have ever seen him eat and try so much food! But we left on a goodbye that would be final. I have reflected a lot on Miss Sadie's question, "Is this your last Christmas?" and AB's reply, "What would you do if it was?" It had turned out to be the last after all, but I can tell you, it was full to the brim of memories, togetherness, and laughter. We didn't dwell or go overboard, but we didn't let it pass with half-hearted effort. And that is what I have been doing....letting Christmas pass with half-hearted effort. I really wanted this year to be different. Not so shabby, right??
BKs were not thrilled when I said that it is tradition to put up the Christmas tree Thanksgiving weekend, so we waited one more week. In the meantime, we got busy with the advent candles, stars, candles, gnomes, and ordering more decorations. Which reminds me...I actually have two more gnomes who cling to the curtains like tiebacks. So my total is six! NBF dug the decorations from the attic, and I have been busy trying to make it feel more Christmas-y while also feeling more Christmas-y inside. We decided we would try the seven cookies tradition, but we are going to do two American and five Norwegian. The American sugar cookies are all but gone, so thank goodness there are three more kinds coming up this weekend. I cannot describe how much I love having someone that enjoys baking as much as I do. I didn't realize how much of a mental and physical load making Christmas treats was each year until I got to share it. We discovered a tiktok where the family built a tree for their Christmas village. We both fell in love with the idea because NBF really wants to have a Christmas village, but we didn't have a place for it. We modified the design a bit and made a date night out of building it. Now we have the perfect place for his village which we will collect one piece at a time like the ornaments for the tree. NBF bought me a lottery ticket advent calendar, and I bought him a beer advent calendar. It has been a fun little surprise each day. I am up to 130kr and he is up to one beer that he might buy again. I had hoped for better odds for him. I taste his beers with him, mostly because he laughs to watch me. I already know, I am not meant to play poker. My face speaks volumes. But it does add a little more fun to the opening of his calendar. I am a realist though. I know this Christmas will be hard, so I hope that by embracing new traditions, the landing will be just a little easier. And it already appears to be. Our new traditions are coming together, and it feels so cozy and warm in the house and in the cabin. More importantly, it feels warm and cozy inside as being home should. |
Nellie HillJust a woman leaping outside her comfort zone and telling the tale. Archives
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