Moving here has undoubtedly been one of the biggest decisions of my life. Like any decision, once you jump in there is doubt, fear, exhilaration, doubt, fun, and a little bit of doubt. When I look back over the three months I have lived here, I realize I have accomplished so much. Most of the accomplishments feel small when I say them out loud, but the triumphant feeling is not. This week I was finally able to set up a bank account. Remember that number I was so excited to get? You need it to set up bank accounts too. The bank account feels like the last huge piece that needed to fall into place for me. I can finally be paid! To be fair, I have always been able to be paid if I was willing to accept the 50% tax and loss of money on the exchange rate to put money in my US account. But now, I can be paid in Norwegian Krone into a Norwegian bank. Plus there is a fun fact you might not know. While you can make purchases in stores with your US credit cards, many US credit cards lack the security protocol to secure online purchases through Norwegian sites. Something else very different than that states is that it can take WEEKS to set up a bank account. I was able to set up a bank account without depositing any money which is also very different. US Banks seem to be more interested in having your money up front.
So much energy has been poured into the process of acquiring the paperwork needed to live and work here. There have been a few evenings, I have gone home and gone to bed by seven. I have felt overwhelmed and wondered if I really made the right choice. My fellow teachers and I have compared our journeys and realized that no one gets the same experience, but similar enough in frustration that we can be a shoulder to lean on for each other. I have never experienced this level of bonding in previous schools. Usually when you join a school, there are the "go to" people. Yet here we are in a brand new school, a new country, and for most of us, a new curriculum. Success and struggles are shared. When I look at them I can't help but think how incredibly brave and powerful they are, and then I realize I am one of them! This isn't to say I don't have strong bonds from previous schools. It has been a great comfort to have so many teachers on speed dial for help with resources or projects or just laughs. I have worked with some truly tremendous educators, and I love that I still have that connection to them. For some, it is email, for some Facebook, and others Snapchat. But I appreciate all the contact and connection to home...even if the time difference makes it a little more complicated to stay in touch. This week I also finished my first reports of the year. Our school uses standards based grading and students are graded on many learning outcomes. We also assess their grasp of learner profile characteristics and how well they navigate organization and behavior. Each student report is about six pages long. I have thirteen homeroom students for whom I complete the majority of the report, and I also have about 40 seventh through ninth grade students for whom I complete the English portion of their reports. There were times I wondered if I would finish all the required work. But I did. We teachers always seem to be able to pull out a win for grade cards. Today, I am enjoying the extra hour of sleep from the end of daylight saving time and my accomplishments. Don't get me wrong, there is plenty to be done still. I need furniture for my new place, and now that I have a bank account that can happen soon. My education has not been recognized through the national registry yet, but I have done my part in submitting all the paperwork. I will say the speed at which life moves in Norway is different than the states in many regards. While I find it frustratingly slow in regards to paperwork, I delight in feeling like I have full weekends and plenty of time to pursue life. I would like to think I have learned to be more patient and not dwell so much on the things that are out of my hands. Okay maybe not learned, but I have done plenty of practicing. I'm also looking forward to Brad visiting in December. It's amusing to me how I'm looking for the perfect experience for him when he arrives. Here I am looking at experiences that I wouldn't even treat myself to, and he tells me I just want to see my mom. This has me thinking two things...I raised some good men, and I should treat myself to experiences I would choose for them. So who knows maybe next week I will be writing my blog from Iceland with a view of the aurora or from the deck of a cruise boat. In the meantime, enough Sunday rambling. I think I am going to go out and enjoy the sun. The weather forecast says snow for the weekend. Which reminds me that I have a picture for Brandy of my walk to school.
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Right now I have a crisis in my apartment. I bought the wrong kind of paper towels for my kitchen. There's no perforation on the roll, so every time I use a paper towel I am left with jagged edges. What kind of chaotic monsters can live with jagged edges on paper towels and toilet paper?? I mean I know they exist, just like those people that think toilet paper doesn't go over the top. The paper towels still work though, right? Hastily ripped paper towels still clean cat nose prints from the window with the perfect view outside. Which begs the question, why do I care so much about the edges anyway? Control and appearances. Simple as that. Admitting that wasn't always so easy because control was something I had to wrestle from the clutches of other people in my life while maintaining the appearance of a normal, happy human. When you are made to feel powerless and have even small decisions made for you, it can skew your understanding of the words control and power. They also become trophies to be hunted and collected. At first you claim small prizes like how the clothes hang in your closet; how the bread edges of a sandwich line up; and even how the toilet paper hangs. And before you know it, control has become somewhat of a dirty secret, an obsession, and appearances become necessary facades to hide the repulsive pursuit of control. Don't get me wrong, there are upsides. I became principled by the quest; enough so that I balanced 20 college credit hours, two cub scout dens, caring for an elderly relative, and running a household. Holding the appearance of a content housewife was cake at that point. Not to mention, at the time I was well on my way to a career where control and appearance were considered tools. My life changed dramatically soon after this time, and I had to begin rebuilding and redefining many things I thought I had long established and understood... or at least neatly categorized and packed away. Then I started teaching. Here's the thing about teaching, a person has to be a learner to be an effective teacher. You have to look critically at events and plan interventions. You must delve into human nature and wade through trauma. Reflection becomes second nature as you search for patterns, mistakes, and changes you would make if you got a second bite at the apple. Problem is, teachers aren't immune from their own scrutiny. Have you ever thought about how much humanity is paraded through a teacher's classroom throughout her teaching career? It seems widely known that teaching takes an emotional toll on teachers, but many people think it is the weight of caring for children while juggling administrative tasks, political mandates, the pressure of eight hour daily performances, and their own lives. What a deceptively realistic facade these teachers craft! Those well dressed, put together professionals easily engaging children and adeptly navigating myriad duties before skipping home love on their own families. Or at least people see that. It is true that teachers carry their work home, not just in the over-sized bags that trigger their car airbags but in their hearts. They become incredibly sensitive to hidden cues and the emotions of the people around them. Many even take up the mantle of thinking with all their experience they should be able to come up with solutions to all of life's issues. They are adept planners and organizers who often oversee family schedules and budgets. Keep digging though, and you see a person who has had unlimited opportunities to stare into her own childhood through adult eyes. Herein lies the power in teaching. Some teachers harness all the good and wonderful from their childhood and pour it tenfold into their classrooms hoping to give every child magical experiences and memories. Some teachers absorb every trauma and reflect the teacher they needed hoping to create security and love in children's lives. All teachers stand behind the Pinterest worthy classrooms and engaging activities controlling the view the world sees. You only have to cruise through Pinterest, Twitter, or do a Google search for images of teachers to see what I mean. The world has bought it, teachers! Problem is, we teachers bought it too. I'm watching some teacher friends struggle right now, and I see and hear all they say about fixing their situation and how inadequate they feel. I also see the incredible job they do to keep it all going, and the amazing things going on in their classrooms. There are some months, even some years, when teaching weighs more than others. And also times when I think we teachers feel like we let everyone down by not living up to the veneer we've constructed. This is the best time to cling to the joy in your classroom and the small things in life that help you create happiness. The time to remember you are making a difference. And perhaps, maybe the best thing we can do is learn to live with some jagged edges, secure in the knowledge that things will still work out. Let me share some of my joy with some pictures and commentary. Below is the lopsided scarecrow that my students are incredibly proud to have built, and also so protective of that I had to haul it inside for the weekend. I might add other students are pressuring their teachers to build one! HA! The scarecrow was only possibly because my friend, Sara, brought us a pumpkin. Pumpkins are harder to find than you would think when you only visit local groceries. Speaking of local grocery and other stores, Halloween is out in full force! I am enjoying a fresh take on the holiday. It is similar here in Norway, but I think no one will ever match America's insatiable candy appetite. One night on the way home from work, I stopped with a fellow teacher for a taste of America. There is a steakhouse in the city center, complete with pictures of bison and a fireplace, that is based in American steakhouse cuisine. We enjoyed the meal and the small taste of "home". When I got home that night, Janus decided right on my chest was the coziest place in the joint. Not that I spoil him, but I let him stay there. I find tidbits of joy painted on the walls of buildings here. I love how every surface is seen as potential for art. Even electrical boxes are painted in whimsical ways. And finally, yes, those are Christmas lights being hung above the main street in the city center. Anyone who knows me knows how I feel about premature holiday preparation, and I am not sure how to adjust knowing there isn't the buffer of Thanksgiving between Halloween and Christmas! But here I am living in a land that has already started taking Christmas dinner reservations AND that has scheduled the staff Christmas party for NOVEMBER 22. But I am finding true joy and happiness in the messy learning and changing I see happening in myself. By the way, while maybe I can relax a little and be okay with the jagged edges, my toilet paper will also go over the top! Some things are just too important to compromise.
As any teacher will tell you, new school means new germs. Today I am sitting in my apartment with coffee and a sore throat feeling a bit cranky. Nevertheless, I have promised myself that I will continue my blog through sickness, routine, and even when it seems there is nothing of importance to write about. This last two weeks has been a roller coaster of emotions, but I am hoping you can see that humor wins out. Let's back up to my landlady who couldn't be bothered to return messages asking about fixing lights and turning on the heat. I finally decided that since my lease ended in a week and a half that I needed to find a new place to live. Gawd, moving sucks. This move was also taking me from a furnished apartment to an unfurnished apartment. Which was made worse by the fact that I am still waiting on my number so I can get paid. Now, before you question my workplace, I could have accepted payroll, taxed at 50%, if I wanted to use my passport for identification. I honestly thought, how much longer can the number take? So I decide to deal with that once I get my number. To the back burner, after all, I have savings. Bold choice, Charlie. (If you haven't seen the Charlie the Tuna commercials, you've missed my reference. ) We'll revisit this later. I get mostly moved into my new apartment with the help of some teacher friends. They laugh and say, "Wow, you don't have much. That was fast," as I am thinking, "Holy crap, I moved here with three suitcases. Where did all this sh*t come from??" I did save a few last minute items to move by myself because I was only moving a block, and why bother them with coming back a second day? Needless to say, in my infinite wisdom and unmatched luck, I was moving my things on the rainiest day I have spent in Norway so far. I find solace in the fact that I have splurged to purchase a washer/dryer combo. I can toss my clothes in and enjoy a dryer for the first time in months...or so I thought. Said dryer does not work...sigh. That will have to be on the back burner. When I moved in, I had to spend a couple of days on the floor because my furniture hadn't been delivered yet. I say 'had' like I am not still on the floor. ha! This turns into an ordeal in and of itself. IKEA was supposed to deliver on Tuesday. I didn't find out until Wednesday that my credit card company cancelled the order because they thought it was fraud. I appreciate you looking out for me, credit card monkeys, but right now you are doing it in the worst possible way. The furniture store where I bought my bed and couch was to deliver on Wednesday. They delivered my bed but not my couch. I am still waiting on said couch. Matter of fact, I have my mattress top folded in half to sit on in the living room. It's better than nothing! I'll save you the story of me putting my bed together and stepping on staples in cardboard because I am not quite ready to laugh about that one yet. However I did make one last attempt at buying things for the house which ended with a woman telling me I won't find 150 cm sheets in Norway because they don't make that size here. WHAT? I laugh with my friend and decide to put shopping on the back burner as well. So, I am living out of suitcases for the time being, but at least I am in an apartment with heat and the landlord will communicate with me. My visits to the police and tax office last week to resolve my personal number and resident card ended with mixed results. I was able to go order my resident card which meant I should have had a personal number created. This was such great news for me as that number is vital to so many services here. The day I went to the tax office, my resident card arrived. HOLY COW! What a feeling. When I got to the tax office, I was told the police hadn't created my personal number yet because my address was incorrect. They would mail me a paper when all was done....despite the fact that I had received my resident card at that incorrect address! I was also moving which meant I wouldn't be able to receive further mail there. No problem, I will just register a change of address, oh wait, yes, I need the number to file the paperwork. There is not an American equivalent to this all powerful Norwegian number. Well, I will just take my chances and make another visit the tax office later. And as with all the things right now...to the back burner. I start my Friday really needing a win. In the past week and a half, I have been struggling with furniture, moving to a new place which required a 3 month deposit, gotten turned down by my hometown bank (of 28 years!!) for a short term loan, and found myself buried in end of term reports for 45 students. What can you do but find humor and positivity and lean on them? I take my first graders out to an obstacle course to practice prepositions, and revel in their performance. Here they are in the rain running around like lunatics shouting UNDER, OVER, AROUND! After school, a teacher I don't know very well goes to the tax office with me. I really enjoyed the chance to get to chat with her and so, so appreciate not having to ride the bus for whatever challenges await me. At the tax office, I ask to simply HAVE the number so I can get started with payroll, banking, and changing my address. I walk out with a printed paper with my number, an electronic ID, and the ability to change my address. I. AM. ECSTATIC. I meet up with other teacher friends, and we go out for shopping and dinner. While we are on the road, Brad calls to tell me the payout for my totaled car has arrived. And just like that, I can feel some peace in my mind again. I can pull some things from the back burner and start working again, but first margaritas at a Mexican restaurant! Narrator: But they did not find margaritas in that restaurant. Humor really has become my go to tool. People might think I use it inappropriately or too much, but I would rather laugh through tears than wallow and drown in them. Many times when I contemplate a given situation in my life, I think how things could be worse or that there are people facing worse. I've learned I am resilient, but you know, I've also learned that behind those big smiles and fantastic senses of humor are the people who need heard, and maybe loved, the most. Check on your funny friends that can make you laugh or find the bright side of any situation, you might find pots bubbling over on the back burners.
Today I had to renew my phone subscription and bus pass, and it hit hard that I have been here for TWO months. Many times as I sit in amazement, I cannot believe that of all the places on earth, I am sitting in a small town in Norway. It doesn't always feel real to be so far from what I have known as home my entire life. It has been incredible with a steep learning curve but so worth it. Today, I sat at the top of this hill overlooking the North Sea and let my mind meander through the questions in my mind still steeped in the wonder of where I was at that very moment when one of my colleagues mentioned it was World Teacher Day, and I realized how close to home I always am.
Since I was small, I've been teaching in some form or another. My poor sisters sitting through worksheet lessons before they even started school themselves. My children who will still talk about endless learning, crafting, and creating...against their will they add. Granted they got a double dose because I was the den parent for their Cub Scout groups. Although, my oldest took up leather work during his stint in the Marines, so I am not sure what he's whining about. As a stay at home mom, I even got to volunteer in their classrooms. On a side note, while I thoroughly enjoyed staying at home with my boys, there is just as much reflection and healing from letting the title of mom consume me. In my heart, I knew being a mom full time wasn't enough to occupy my mind and my intense goal driven mindset, but I attempted to bottle those feelings for years. I can tell you that the recipe for resentment is baking repressed dreams in a duty shaped pan. There were a lot of factors that went into my decisions to stay at home, but I gave away power and sacrificed a huge piece of my identity in the process. It is a lesson hard earned and dogeared from rereading. Those experiences of volunteering in my sons' classrooms sparked a renewed passion for teaching and determination to chase a degree I thought I had abandoned hope of attaining when I chose to stay home with my kids. When my own kids moved on, I stayed in the kindergarten classrooms as a full time volunteer and started a volunteer program in the school. For years, I benefited from watching veteran teachers and helping them design learning. One day the teachers I worked with pulled me aside and told me I was not allowed to volunteer in their rooms anymore...unless I went back to school so I could have my own classroom. Those teachers putting power in my reach was something I desperately needed. In my educational career I have been privileged to learn from and teach beside some truly amazing educators. Ms. Hayes forced me to fail. I will never forget the resilience I learned from her. Mrs. Oswalt in her first year of teaching told my mom (in front of me) how she fought to have me in her class. I will never forget that feeling of being wanted. Mrs. Graber took her entire class to her farm for sleepovers and doted on us like a grandma. I will never forget that feeling of being loved. Mrs. Dunn saw the intelligence and interests beyond my apathetic attitude in high school and paid for me to attend a band camp my foster family couldn't afford. I will never forget that generosity. When I transitioned to an adult learner, the lifelong lessons didn't stop. Instead, these women helped to patch up and shape the foundation upon which my teaching is built. Mrs. Meyer and Mrs. Hughes welcomed me into their classrooms as a peer. As an aide in their classroom, I got to have my hands on planning, creating, assessing, and observing. It was invaluable, and I will never forget the encouragement and the lessons learned there. Mrs. Pearson enthusiastically agreed to mentor me through my clinical internships. After a week and a half of watching her teach, she pulled me aside and said, "You're ready to take this class, and I am not going to stand in your way." The benefits of a mentor that heaped responsibility onto my plate was empowering. I was able to more fully experience "real teaching" than most of my peers at university. I will never forget her support, knowledge, expertise, and friendship. Since then, I have taught with inspirational women who have taken different roles in my life; mentor, teammate, friend. Together we have endured pendulum swings in theory, curricular changes, the newest and greatest programs, and staff meetings, but we have also celebrated, shared success, grieved, and consoled. Teachers will always be some of the most important members of my tribe. They embody ambition, learning, nurturing, exploration, and love. You see, teachers don't shut off worrying, planning, caring, and thinking about their students. I mean even on a fun adventure teacher day, I saw a bench that I thought would be perfect in my classroom and bought it. Walking up a hill reflecting with my teacher peers, I wondered aloud how to inspire a student to be more reflective. My teacher colleagues joined in discussing their hopes, frustrations, and successes in their classrooms. We supported, encouraged, and commiserated, but never once did I hear regret in their voices. Above all things, I think the greatest teacher gift is that we are hopelessly optimistic and able to imagine the future as it could be. Thank you to all the teachers that have touched my life. Some have come and gone, and some have stayed, but all planted seeds. As with students, maybe you didn't get to see the harvest because I have grown since you've known me. Maybe you planted seeds of kindness, love, acceptance, or inspiration that you didn't realize. And remember, just because you aren't listed in my essay by name doesn't mean you had minimal impact. What it really means is that my life includes such a large teacher tribe that I could spend all day typing out the personal gratitude I feel. So teachers out there, here's a hug, handshake, high five, or, in the case of flu season, a fist bump to you. You are the true celebrities and rock stars of this world. |
Nellie HillJust a woman leaping outside her comfort zone and telling the tale. Archives
April 2024
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