February has come and nearly gone before I am back here. As with so many months, I have not really done momentous stuff, but I have been fully occupied with life. A couple of really big projects at work are taking a lot of my creativity and focus for writing.
I have to tell you writing through writer's block and lack of inspiration is harder than one might think. Which then in turn makes me realize I really could be publishing my blog weekly again if I really set my mind to it. Writing has never been a full time job before now, though. I imagine it being similar to having a job housekeeping and coming home to clean your own house. Sure, you know it needs done, and you really are good at it. You've mastered some tricks, but wow, the inspiration and motivation are like the wisps of smoke from a match. I have thought through the years about collecting my blogs into a book or writing a book, but quite honestly, I know now that I was never ready or even as close as I had dreamed I might be. I think back to creative writing classes in high school and college and taking courses in writing children's literature. I thought I had a good grasp on what it meant to write and take feedback. As with so many other times in life...WRONG! And while I realize writing intellectual property for someone else is a different dragon, that thought is little comfort when some motherfucker comes along and shuffles the scales. Maybe I'll just hold onto monthly blogs for a while longer as I finish up these two big projects. Even if I have released my grip on my writing goals a little, I have managed to cling to my sense of wonder. I used to be able to rely on my students to help me with this, but now I really have to exercise the muscle on my own. It ages you to lose your wonder, you know. NBF and I decided to take a last minute trip to Oslo together this weekend. If we are looking at this trip purely from a proximity and logistical standpoint, it would be like someone in Kansas bragging about making a trip from Salina to Wichita. That is about the same distance and opens up as many shopping opportunities and experiences. But... when I stick my mind back in my roots, little Kansas Nellie hopped a train to Oslo, Norway. All of the sudden it wasn't simply the same commute I take to work. I watched the snow covered hills sparkle in the sunshine like they were covered in a blanket of crystals. The small towns along the way were nestled into the hillside, cozy in their blanket of snow. Red and yellow houses stood out like beacons of welcome. Arriving at the central station, I was instantly surrounded by many others with places to go and people to see. The energy was palpable. While we wandered the streets on Saturday night, the gågate, or walking road, buzzed with laughter and languages. People were too caught up in fun and football chatter to recognize the cold. On Sunday morning, it was snowing and a much more somber, silent feeling stalked us. I smiled as I watched tourists snap photos of the giant snowflakes landing on their scarves. I remember when that was me. I watched birds hunt for leftovers of a fun evening and had to giggle at myself when I finally realized that the oddly triangular looking track in the snow was a gull print. The little hints of magic that make life so much better are always there if only we remember to look. The same can be said for people. Sitting across the table from NBF, I looked into the eyes of a man that has not yet had his fill of adventure with me. There was a peace and yet anticipation in his demeanor, hearkening back to when I first started falling for him. Sometimes I think he is never quite as at home as he is when he is out adventuring. When he looks at me in this way, I wholeheartedly believe his words, home is where you are. In that moment I decided I want more of those glances between us. More adventure, more wonder. More searching out bakeries I find on Tiktok. It can be easy to get caught up in work and the routine. Some weekends it feels simpler to sit on the sofa and let life roll by like a leaf on the breeze. I don't think either of us are ready to settle for that. Next weekend is another trip to Oslo, March is a concert and a trip to Kansas. Let's just keep those adventures coming. As I get ready to wind this down, I am thinking on all that has happened and the detours my life has taken. I have been struggling with a lot again, and I want to hit the reset button on a few things. The adventures are a start, but there are other goals as well. I am going to leave you with the tweet that has been occupying my mind for the last week. Nobody said it was easy.....
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Nellie HillJust a woman leaping outside her comfort zone and telling the tale. Archives
April 2024
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